Our Opponent Keeps Up With Us
I once attended a gathering where many of the people there had been involved in this work for decades. Most of them were in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. The host asked whether anyone had recently made a noteworthy observation they wanted to share. The question wasn’t trivial; familiarity dampens the spirit of discovery so crucial for motivating daily efforts. The longer one remains involved in this work, the more challenging it becomes to keep the ideas fresh.
One of the oldest people present stood up.
“Look at us,” she said, surveying those around her. “Many of us have spent three or four decades in this work. Three or four decades! You’d think that this would be sufficient time to eradicate our False Personalities so that all of us gathered here would be free from falsehood. But can we say that we have permanently conquered pretense, risen above the temptation to justify our actions, obliterated the urge to take credit, or eliminated our concern over how we appear in the eyes of our peers? We cannot. These all persist even after decades of inner work. And why is this?”
“Here is what I’ve lately realized. The decades in this work do not erode our mind’s tendency to daydream. Any time the mind is left idle, it falls into mental associations. It’s like a child who, left by their mother for a minute while she settles the grocery bill, cannot wait quietly. The child fiddles and fidgets, or looks around for something distracting or entertaining. Our minds are the same and their tendency to daydream doesn’t diminish through the years. Our ability to restrain daydreaming increases, but the instant we leave our minds alone, they return to the one thing they know: daydreaming.”
“Now, consider the subject of your daydreams. Any moment you leave your mind unattended, where does it choose to wander? Heading home after this gathering, will my mind start turning over someone else’s problems? Will I worry about whether Jim makes it home safely?” —she pointed to a person sitting near her, “or whether Mariana remembers to call her sibling and wish them a Happy Birthday?” —she pointed to the lady sitting at her side, “or whether Harry waters his lawn so that it doesn’t dry out over the summer? Almost never (and when I do it’s because I wish they would behave as I believe they should). The truth is I daydream about myself. When I leave this gathering, my mind will want to replay the very speech I am making now. Did I formulate my thoughts clearly? Did I express what I wanted to say as I had intended to? Were you all impressed?”
“The subject of my daydreams is always me.”
“By starring as the lead role of my daydreams, my False Personality reconstructs itself despite decades of chipping away at it. No matter how often and how deeply I verify its artificiality, no matter how violently external shocks shatter it, nonetheless my False Personality rebuilds itself every instant I leave it unattended—moment by moment, brick by brick. And as long as this dynamic remains, I can work four more decades and my opponent will keep up with me.”
“This is what I have lately verified.”